That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
