i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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