okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We were destined to go to rehab together
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize