the new term for farting is butt boxing.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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