You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
