I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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