so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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