Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize