Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
