Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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