Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
