Sorry, I don't speak sober.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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