I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
