If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
