All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
