my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
