I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
