Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
