turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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