Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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