walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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