Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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