I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
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