i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
