Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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