Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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