I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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