Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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