She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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