Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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