if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
