I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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