why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
