haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
