You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
