...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
