Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
