dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
