I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
