I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
