dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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