I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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