I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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