WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
