he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
should my penis look like a turkey
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
