I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
