I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
