My liver just broke up with me...
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
