WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
