I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
