She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
