You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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