there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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