One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
