a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize