My sheets look like a crime scene.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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