apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Is it because I queefed?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize