my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
