you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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