I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
