OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
