so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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