i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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