I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
