i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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