True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
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