I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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