Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dicks are not precious.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
