The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
