My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize