you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
