First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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