I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
