omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Randomize
