yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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