For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
