There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Holy sore nipples Batman
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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