I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
