I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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