I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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