I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
