I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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