he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
