Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
