Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
