I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
