I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The air was thick with penises
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
