I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
she told me i tasted like america
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
