I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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