i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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