Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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