last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
