Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize