i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
