Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
