He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize