I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
