I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
