awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
